It's not fair!

One of my great grand mothers was a singularly unlucky person in her life. In her short life span of 40 odd years, she must have had very few joyous moments. She lost both her parents in early years and was raised by her uncle and aunt. I have no knowledge, whether she had any formal education, but most probably she had none. Her marriage was fixed (as was the tradition then) into a well known rich family from a neighbouring village. No one knew how this orphaned girl found such a lucky break? However the real reason for this lucky matrimonial arrangement soon came to light, when it was found out that the groom was on drugs. This was the second cruel blow for her. The next few years, she survived in the big household as the old patriarch ( her father in law) was still living. But after his death later, the reality came out that the family was in dire straits financially. Soon the family divided and debt also was divided along with the assets. My Great grand mother soon lost her husband( still on drugs) and had to sell off almost everything, she possessed, including the portion of the family dwelling that was allotted to her during division, to settle the debt. She had no house, no means of income and assets. Finally, she had to go back to her uncle, with her one and half year son and survive on their help, till she died, may be in her thirties or early forties.

What would you say about her life story after reading this? I am sure that everyone would consider her a very unfortunate person. I keep wondering however, whether we can really call her unfortunate? Was she handed out a very unfair treatment by destiny all the way? Even here, I am not very sure because I am little confused about, "what is being fair?" after all.

I have heard my grandchildren asking this question many a times, when they think that they are being treated in an unfair manner visa-a-vis their siblings. The school where two of my grandchildren study has a system under which there are no formal examinations till sixth grade. I often hear the elder grandchild complaining that her sibling is very lucky because he has no exams and she is being treated unfairly as she has to study hard. Another common complaint is that the elder one gets only books as presents on her birthday, whereas, the younger one gets nice toys. So, what can we say? Is it fair or not?

Moving from children to adults, it is kind of strange that the same question haunts many of us. The question might take other forms such as “Why me of all the persons?” or “There is no real justice in this world!,” both these forms really mean that somebody has been grossly unfair to the person asking this . The children complain that their parents, school and others around are unfair, whereas adults grumble and whine same thing about Government, dead parents and if nothing else, then destiny or providence.

Well! To face the truth, we are born and brought up as unequals even when born to the same parents. We often see one sibling well behaved, studious and the other one exactly opposite of that. When they grow up, there is likely to be no similarity between them with one sibling being rich, influential and the other one, part of general mediocrity.

Some people believe in what they call as “ Principle of averaging.” This means that everyone is bestowed with some good, desired things and some undesirable things in such a way that overall the person remains mostly dissatisfied with his life. I feel that this principle is nothing but a clever way devised by people to console and comfort themselves from their dissatisfaction about their own lives.

The harsh truth is that there is no equality between us at all. Some are just born lucky so that they get good parents, good education and good opportunities to go ahead in life, whereas some like my unfortunate great grand mother, whom the life has always cheated. The balance of us stay somewhere middle of these two, with scanty good happenings and most things going against us.

Would this mean that the destiny or providence has been unfair to most if us and fair to only few lucky ones? I do not agree with this concept, because here we are assuming and applying same standards of success or failures to all of us, who are basically unequals. We tend to measure success in life in terms of financial status and fame, a good family life and so on. What is grossly unfair is not what destiny has given to us, but rather the standards that we are applying to measure our success.

Success or being lucky in life should be determined by the joy a person gets while living, however, even the concept of happiness is not same for each of us; that is why a couple ( both Doctors by profession) opts to spend their entire lives with the tribal living in deep jungles and sees the welfare of these people as their biggest joy. Can we really term the life of this couple as a disappointment?

For all of us, our lives are shaped up by the circumstances that we face right from childhood. This no way means that destiny has treated us in fair or unfair manner. Our life is a maze and we go on making instant decisions to reach the destination. Some decisions prove right and some disastrous. But they are our decisions and not provided by destiny. What is even more surprising is that the final destinations for even siblings are not really the same, so whether they have reached their destinations or not can judged by only one thing; joy or happiness they derive from life. This happiness is according to me is the real standard of success.

Coming back to my great grand mother, who knows whether she was happy or dejected in life? For people like me who are generations away, her life looks like full of misery. But how can I be sure? It may be that she was actually a fighter and might have fought with all the calamities that had fallen on her and at the end might have been happy to see her son growing well into manhood, when she had breathed her last.

10^th September 2014

One way street

Sometime last year, we were driving down Singapore's Central Expressway, to go to a small community hall in the Braddel area, to pick up my grand daughter, who had gone there for some dance practice. My son-in-law, who was driving the car, somehow missed the left exit and realised it after having gone about half a mile ahead. The only choice before us was now to take a 'U' turn and again try to find the missed exit. To our astonishment, we found no place to take a 'U' turn for miles and miles ahead. After we found it, we turned back and returned to the original point, where we had to exit the expressway. To our horror, we found there was no exit available on this side of the road at all. This meant that we had still to go ahead for few more miles, again take a 'U' turn, come back to the original point, where we had missed the exit and then take that correct exit. All this jugglery took exactly 30 minutes or so. My grand daughter was terribly indignant and furious at the delay and it took a great effort to pacify her.

This is the problem, when you miss an exit, on a one way street. Fortunately, there are always ways to correct your action, though at the cost of missed time and energy. But when we are dealing with the longest and hardest one way street of them all- our life time- and if we miss an exit here, there is just no way to take a corrective action at all, we simply have to forget the option of taking that exit. There is a famous quote by some unknown author that says: “ life is like a one way street, you can look back you just cant go back.” How true it is!

A lady of my acquaintance had to sell off her house and had to shift to a rented place. due to some financial mishap. Few years after that unhappy incidence, she had regained her financial stability and should have gone in purchase of a flat as her first priority. But she did not do that, thinking that she would buy it later, when she can perhaps buy a bigger place. Unfortunately for her, the housing market and the their prices there just flew off growing at an astronomical rate, making it impossible now, even to get a modest dwelling in a nearby locality. This is what happens in life, if we miss an exit, there may not be another one at all.

My mother was ailing for number of years. I did whatever I could to comfort her and bring down her pain- at least I thought so at that time. These days, years after she is gone, I keep getting these nightmarish moods when I am alone- in which I keep feeling that I should have done probably better or something more for her in her last years o reduce her pain. It really gives me the dumps and takes a little bit while to recover. The point is that we should really try and do our best in such situations as a feeling of unwarranted guilt may start haunting us later from which, there is no escape at all. Probably worst case of missing the exit in life- in such matters- is if some near or dear one is terminally sick and we refuse to believe in the inevitable future and just continue with our usual life neglecting that person. Later, when that person is no more, a feeling of guilt engulfs us for rest of our lives. I have seen this happening.

They say that opportunity knocks on your doors only once. If you don't grab it, its gone forever and may never touch your life again. This is absolutely true, not only for businesses but also for people serving a job. A friend of mine was once asked, whether he would do an optional assignment, where he would have to travel and also put in extra hours and there was no financial benefit as such. My friend refused to accept it and it was given to someone else. Later, when the promotions were announced, this other guy got it and my friend was left high and dry.

Opportunities can come in any field. Last month, airlines in India, made a great offer in which airlines tickets were offered at 30 % discount only for a period of 3 days. This needed quick thinking and decision making. Those who availed of it, are going to have a great summer holiday, because they would have extra cash available for other expenditure, having spent much less on their tickets. Off course, these kind opportunities are not once in a life time incidences and may come to us again and again. We need not feel too bad about having missed them because another one can come your way in future. Similar to this are the opportunities offered by super markets. Many people think it to be below their dignity to rush and grab such merchandise. I see nothing wrong in it. If I want something and it is available cheaper, why not go for it.

A friend of mine lives in US, when I visited him for the first time sometime in 1970's, I was amazed to see the lady of the house, painstakingly going through weekly offers made by various grocery chains. She would compare the prices and then would decide, what things to buy where, which she needed in the house. I asked her one day, about how much she saves by this effort. I was amazed with her answer that she can save 30 to 40 % by this simple exercise. We never had that kind of choice in India then, because there were no super markets. But now I can see a lot of truth in what she told me, as super market culture has finally reached India.

Our lives are definitely one way streets. If we do not grab things available, they may never be available to us again. Some people are natural misers. They do not want to spend money at all and want to save so that they can enjoy later. But, in this one way street of life, the fun and pleasures of life, even if they become available to us in later years, would prove to be of no use at all because neither our mind or our bodies would be in a position to enjoy them.

21^st February 2014

Singapore Musings

I live in one of those high rise condominiums on this emerald island. I believe, that most of the inhabitants of this city state, also live like me. Very few people like those, who are super rich or who are top government officials, perhaps manage to have their own house or a bungalow. The condominiums, spread all over the city, have basically very similar constructions. Only few odd architectural details may differ. What these condo’s really provide, are the minimal and essential family living spaces , stacked on top and left or right of each other. Each family living in it’s own little space and doing it’s own little things. In their own individual spaces, stacked like a pile of checker pieces on top of each other, individual families cook,eat,sleep, and spend their lifetimes.

Sometimes,when I am having my breakfast in the morning or I am lying down on my bed at night, I get this weird feeling, that many people are probably doing exactly the same thing above or below me or on my sides. With this kind of crowded housing, you can not really hope to see much, if you decide to peep out of the window. In the fist place, peeping out of the window by itself is not a very simple task. You have to first switch off the air conditioning, which angers almost everyone else in the house. Then the curtains or the blinds on the windows must be raised and then finally heavy glass windows have to be opened with some effort. After all this endeavour, what one sees outside normally, is another huge pile of apartments with long poles poking out of the windows with multicoloured clothes hanging on them. These clothes drying poles, poking out of apartment windows, look so ugly, that many a satirical letter writers in news papers, call them as national flags. I therefore consider myself, a very lucky person or one of the very few fortunate people living in this city, because my room has a view.

When I look outside my window, the first thing that catches my eye is a long winding river with gently flowing water. Light ripples on the water, shimmer in the bright sunlight. Behind this river, on the farther side, a dense tropical rain forest extends right up to the end of my vision. Some of the big trees in the forest really stand very tall. On nearer side of the river, a nice iron grating has been built by the local town council. An asphalted jogging track runs parallel to the river. I can see joggers taking a trot any time of the day and night. Actually,this flowing mass of water is not really a river but more of a backwater or a creek in which sea water flows in during high tides and flows out during low tides. During the night, some distant lights shine through this rain forest, creating a very mystic environment. During high and low tides, very refreshing sea breezes sway the tall rain forest trees and make the entire place very pleasant. With every tide, a plethora of small fish come into the backwater. They bring along a flock of white birds with them. The birds sit on the banks of the creek in a row, waiting patiently for the fish to come near the surface of water. Further up, towards the sea, mangroves line up on both sides of the creek. These mangroves and other tropical trees form a natural canopy over the jogging track, which gives a dark and mystic appearance, if one decides to jog around dusk time.

This really is the beauty of this island. Not far from the hustle and bustle of the main street or ‘Orchard Street’, where top fashion houses like ‘Gucci’ and ‘Prada’ line up their showrooms, you come across a huge natural reservoir of fresh water, pristine in it’s natural beauty. This reservoir holds up to two thousand million cubic meters of water and is named as ‘Macritchie’ reservoir. The authorities have constructed a wooden board walk here, around the periphery of the water. This board walk extends to almost eleven kilometers and can be very tiring. Because of the presence of such huge amount of water, this entire area has a thick forest cover, which makes the board walk a very delightful experience. In fact, this entire north central region of this city state, with three water reservoirs and thick rain forest cover is extremely beautiful and surprisingly is also very well maintained. One comes across such nature gems with natural beauty at many places in this city.

As I move about in this place, I get an impression, that most of the people here, live in sort of glass houses, well protected from almost everything. With their air conditioned houses, transportation and malls, they are not really bothered much about the seasons or the rain or the heat. They do not face shortages of electrical power or fuel for cooking or even drinking water even though it is imported from neighbouring Malaysia.. Everything appears to be controlled by the Government which surprisingly also believes in market forces. Almost all the utility companies have to face competition. They also seem to have mergers and acquisitions within themselves. But the funny part is that all the utility companies are owned and controlled by the Government only. In the process consumer benefits, so no one really complains. Government has built huge housing complexes all over city but private housing is also permitted. Government meticulously maintains percentage of various races in every undertaking. People of Indian race are supposed to be eight percent of the population. In a Government housing complex ,that many percent apartments would be reserved for Indians. The country celebrates with equal zeal and vigour, ‘Id -ul-fitra’ or ‘Deepavali’ or Christmas and Chinese New Year. So Christmas decorative lighting is provided on ‘Orchard Street’ , ‘Deepavali’ lights arranged in ‘Little India’ and China town blazes with lights during Chinese New year celebrations. People pay one of the lowest Income Tax rates in the world. The law and order situation is so good that one can walk or ride a public transport, alone in any part of the city, well past midnight. In short everyone is happy. Nobody therefore seems to be much bothered about trivia like having a different point of view or democracy, which anyway exist only in the constitution. There are no “Medha patkar’s ‘ here. When the government takes up a project, it is presumed that it is for the good of the people.

One of the best part of the life here, are the fabulous food joints. Food from any corner of the world is celebrated and enjoyed here. For a foreigner, to get his home food here, is not something which is very difficult. But the Food courts or ‘Kopitans’ spread all over the island, are the most amazing. These are the eating places for the masses. You can easily get Chinese, Malay, Thai, Indonesian or Indian food at a very reasonable cost, in these joints. Sometimes western dishes also are available. If one wants even cheaper food, he can always visit a hawker center. All food joints are reasonably clean and take proper health care. Government strictly controls the standards. For a connoisseur, eateries serving specialized delicacies are available in abundance. Food is the weak point of every citizen here. News papers (all Government owned off course) columns dealing with food are widely read. If a new eatery opens anywhere, it is important news here.

Reading News papers or watching Television in this country, can be a very funny, interesting or frustrating experience, depending upon your mood. News papers print full texts of speeches made by the prime minister or others. Head line news may consist of a house maid having a fatal accident due to a fall. Demographic news such as falling birth rate, could be the Head line news on television. Air pollution caused by bush fires started in neighbouring Indonesia is a national calamity and newspaper columns and columns are written about it. Television even shows the minute to minute changes in the pollution levels on the screen. Sometimes the tone of the news is still very colonial. A big American company opening it’s office is a very important news item. I have still to understand the rationale behind the large following, people have here, for English football clubs and in particular ‘Manchester United ‘ club. Understandably any news about China gets precedence over other countries.

People still maintain their Asian heritage and values to the large extent. They seem to have managed to get best of the both worlds. Traditional family values are still largely followed. The family has adopted to western attire, they buy groceries at super markets and follow the fashions from the west. They have one of the best public transport system in the world or if they could afford it, they could hop into any car made in any corner of the world. Top shopping mall chains from all over the world line up here. French ‘Carryfour’, German ‘Metro’ or Japanese ‘Best Deinki’ and ‘Takashimaya’ are conspicuous. The citizens of this city state can enjoy Australian milk or French butter or American strawberries or Brazilian chicken. They enjoy the best infrastructure provided by the Government. In short, they seem to have a great time. It is amusing to learn that they have achieved this lifestyle or a jump from third world to first world in a short time span of just forty odd years. Singapore experience appears to have succeeded to a large extent.

10 January 2012

Simple test for Virginity or at least for Chastity

Do you wish to prove that you are a virgin or you have no extra-marital relations? Well! There is a simple test. All you need is a strong skull or scalp on your head and have guts to get a dry coconut cracked on your head. Even if you do not have a clean slate, this cracked coconut would absolve you from all sins and bad things!

You may not believe in this! But, two communities, known as ‘kurumbas’ and ‘24 Manai Telegu Chettiars’, from Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra states of India certainly believe in this simple test. They have their chastity proving coconut breaking rituals, at Mahalakshmiamman Temple in Mettumahadanapuram village in Karur District of Tamilnadu, India, at the time of their yearly Adi festival.

During this festival, 750 men and women got at least one coconut cracked on their head, by the head priest of the temple, Shree. Periyaswami, to prove that they have no extra-marital relations. Shree. Periyaswami has been performing this ritual every year for last 23 years and during the ritual he wears footwear with nails.

All kinds of emergency medical services and ambulances are kept ready near the temple and there is also heavy police presence. However, no one uses these services. Many of the disciples would have wounds but they manage just by applying turmeric powder and ash to the wounds. There are number of women in the crowd of disciples. They have no fear to get the coconuts cracked on their heads. The coconuts used in the ritual are normally completely cleaned and have a layer of turmeric powder applied on the surface.

Promiscuity is a major problem in the Kurumba community. This could be because of disproportionate number of women (2/3rds are women) in the community. This may be the reason, why people from this community are encouraged to re state their honour and cleanness by this method. Government also sees this as a measure that helps eradication of AIDS drive and therefore actually encourages it.

What a simple (?) way to re state your honour?

27 November 2012