Arranged marriages, illiterate and epileptic grooms

In India, most of the marriages, even today, are fixed by the parents, though they are unlikely to oppose if their ward has decided to marry someone of his/her own choice. Around two centuries ago, things were quite different. Marriages were fixed by families with family elders taking all the decisions. The parents, would have a voice, but not very decisive. Brides and grooms mostly of child age or at the most of teen age.

The entire marriage fixing procedure went like this. Firstly proposals would be received by groom's family about prospective child or teenager brides from the same cast, inter-cast marriages being something of a taboo. An official visit of elders from groom's family, excluding the groom himself, would be arranged to the bride's house, where an assessment would be made about the prospective bride's family, there financial position etc. Then the main programme of seeing the bride would be carried out. The prospective teenager bride would come out, wrapped up in a dress that covered from her head to toes and would sit on the ground in a polite way with her eyes fixed on the ground. She would then be asked to walk a few steps, to find out whether there is any physical defect in her. She may also be asked to thread a needle to find out whether her eye sight was good and asked to do some simple tasks like cleaning of grains. Most of the girls would be totally illiterate, yet they would be expected to know simple arithmetic and that would also be tested,

In case the prospective bride found elder's approval, serious negotiations would start later in a formal meeting about the gold and money that would be forthcoming from the brides family. Many times negotiations would fail if groom's family would not be satisfied with the dowry they would get from the bride's family. After negotiations, a written memorandum of understanding will be prepared with both sides and witnesses signing on it.

It may be wrong to totally condemn and consider this custom as outrageous. We should understand that the girls, during those times, were neither entitled to any of their family’s wealth after they got married nor they could claim any inheritance to landed properties belonging to the family. The bride's family understood this well and usually offered girl's share of the property in form of gold and cash to her in-laws, who now would be responsible for her well being in future. This was the main reason for the dowry custom to become prevalent though much misused and maligned, and it might not be entirely correct to judge that custom by today's laws and standards.

Anyhow, the world seems to have turned upside down or by one hundred eighty degrees today and even if the marriage is still fixed by the parents, instead of the prospective bride being tested, it is now the groom's turn to be subject of tests. If you ask any rural young girl today, about her expectations of her future groom, along with such usual expectations, such as being vegetarian, no vices, capable of getting a good job, a new expectation has come up. Most of the girls would say that the future groom must have a latrine in his house. Two years back, Government of Haryana with the help of few NGO’s, started a new movement under the slogan, “No Toilets, No bride”. This movement has caught the fascination of rural womenfolk and is growing rapidly.

About a month ago another curious case of a broken marriage, because of the rejection of the groom by the bride, took place in Rampur town in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. In India, the marriages are usually solemnized by exchanging of garlands. During this marriage, the groom-to-be had a seizure and collapsed and had to be rushed to a hospital. Meantime the bride found out that the groom was epileptic and groom's family had kept the information from the bride and her family.

The angry and furious bride then decided to change the groom. She asked a member of her brother-in-law's family, who was a guest, to step in and marry her instead, and he actually agreed. The original groom-to-be soon returned from hospital and found his bride married to someone else. He pleaded with the bride but it was of no avail.

This week, even curiouser case of a broken marriage has come to light from a village again in state of Uttar Pradesh. According to police, a local resident of Rasoolabad village,Mohar Singh had fixed his daughter Lovely's wedding to a man called Ram Baran. But just before the the marriage ceremony would take place, the bride came to know that Ram Baran is illiterate and the groom's family had kept her in the dark about his poor education. Lovely decided to take matters in her own hands and test her groom. She called the groom and gave him a simple maths problem. She asked him to add 15 and six. When he replied as 17, she knew that he was indeed illiterate and immediately called off the marriage as even a first grader could rightly answer this maths test. The groom's family tried to convince the bride to return, but she refused to budge saying that she can not marry an illiterate.

Things are changing in India, slowly but surely. It is a good thing, won't you think so?

19^th March 2015

Sulabh International gifts 108 toilets in memory of Badaun victims

In the month of May 2014, two young sisters from Katra Sahadatgunj village of Badaun district of India's Uttar Pradesh state had gone out at night to attend the call of nature. They however never returned back. Their dead bodies were found next morning hanging from a nearby tree. The gruesome murder of these two young girls was something that suddenly made India acutely aware of one of the most basic and fundamental problems faced by the country, that the absence of a toilet in a house was one of the principal reasons for incidents of rapes and sexual assaults in villages. According to UN figures, out of India’s 1.2 billion population, only 665 million have access to toilets. In fact it is quite ironical that a UN study in 2010 finds that more people in India have access to a mobile phone than to a toilet. This study says that lack of toilets and proper sanitation costs India nearly $54 billion a year through hygiene-related illnesses, lost productivity and other factors.

In most of the states of India, the situation continues to be absolutely grim and disastrous. In the state of Uttar Pradesh, almost 10 % of the population is an easy pray for deadly diseases because of lack of individual and personal hygiene. Out of total 0.6 Million villages of India, only 25000 villages have toilets available for all the village dwellers. Non maintenance of personal hygiene is the primary reason for the unhealthiness of the society of India at large. About 0.4 Million Indians suffer from Diarrhea every year. Out of which almost 90% are small children. India gets an hit of 2.4 Trillion Rupees, which is 6.4 % of the GDP, because of this personal unhealthiness. Indian Government spends 100 Billion Rupees on Rural development. Out of this only 2 Billion Rupees are spent of programmes connected with personal Hygeine and Toilets. Just because there are no toilets available within their premises, many Indian womenfolk from villages are forced to to go out in groups to defecate in open spaces in darkness before the dawn breaks. These women find this a very shameful act, which they have to perform every morning. This lack of freedom even to carry out normal needs of a human body makes big impact on psychology of these village womenfolk.

The gruesome incident in Katra Sahadatgunj village even made the prime minister, Narendra Modi, to raise the issue during his Independence Day speech in August 2014, when he said that India should strive to ensure every household had a toilet within the next four years. He asked;

“We are in the 21st century and yet there is still no dignity for women as they have to go out in the open to defecate. Can you imagine the number of problems they have to face because of this?”

A low-cost sanitation NGO from India that specializes in building low cost toilets; Sulabh International, decided to adopt this village in June 2014 in memory of the two girls. They conducted a survey and found that nearly 400 families in the village do not have proper toilets and decided to launch a campaign “toilet for every house.” Now, after just two months, Sulabh has dedicated 108 toilets decorated with marigolds and ribbons to the village, which has a population of 4,000 people, so no one has to wait for darkness to fall to attend the call of nature in the open.

In the grim scenario, there is reason for some hope. Women from the Indian state of Haryana , now seem to have taken a new lead. With rural womenfolk, giving their support to the cause, the movement appears to have caught the fascination of the village women in the state. If you ask a rural young girl in Haryana state today, about her expectations of her future bride groom, along with such usual expectations, such as being vegetarian, no vices, capable of getting a good job, a new expectation is likely to be expressed. Most of the girls would say that the future groom must have a latrine in his house. Two years back, Government of Haryana with the help of few NGO’s, started a new movement under the slogan, “No Toilets, No bride”. This movement has caught the fascination of rural womenfolk and is growing rapidly.

Sulabh International has developed a toilet suitable for villages. What is needed is a massive public relations effort to make the village folk see the light at the end of the tunnel, which not only would improve the personal health but will also protect the young girls.

3^rd September 2014

No Toilet? No Bride!

 

In India, out of the total population of 1.2 Billions, almost half live in rural areas. In spite of all the show casing of progress in the cities, fact remains that many rural areas still lack even the basic amenities like latrines and toilets. To have a toilette in or adjoining the house is one of the basic necessities of modern times. Unfortunately, not many rural folks seem to have understood the importance of even this basic facility. Effectively, rural womenfolk suffer the most. To avoid prying eyes, they are forced to visit the open-air toilets under cover of darkness, which can be very inconvenient at times. It is humiliating, harrowing and extremely unhealthy. Further, it leads to spread of diseases such as diarrhea, typhoid and malaria. Many rural womenfolk suffer from urinary tract infections, kidney and liver problems, because they don’t have a safe place to go Efforts to improve upon the situation of the lack of sanitation, in rural areas, have not met with much success so far. In the year 2001, a project to build latrines in rural areas was taken up with the help of World Bank. The latrines built under this scheme were used by rural folks for storage of grains or as verandahs for their houses. The reason for this failure can be very well traced to the fact that the womenfolk never participated or were not even consulted in this project. They  need the sanitation facility most and should have  been consulted about the project in the first place.
Women from the Indian state of Haryana , now seem to have taken a new lead. With rural womenfolk, giving their support to the cause, the movement appears to have caught the fascination of the village women everywhere and is spreading to other states too. If you ask any rural young girl today, about her expectations of her future bride groom, along with such usual expectations, such as being vegetarian, no vices, capable of getting a good job, a new expectation has come up. Most of the girls would say that the future groom must have a latrine in his house. Two years back, Government of Haryana with the help of few NGO’s, started a new movement under the slogan, “No Toilets, No bride”. This movement has caught the fascination of rural womenfolk and is growing rapidly.

As things stand today, the widespread and illegal practice of the abortion of female fetuses in favor of sons has already reduced percentage of women population in state of Haryana. The girls with marriageable age and their parents are not willing to marry their daughters in a family, which does not have a latrine in the house. This social pressure has brought about a welcome change. Parents, who wish to get their boys married, have started building sanitation facilities in their houses on priority.

This change has not come about without a reason. There are many direct and indirect reasons. First of all, most of the girls of marriageable age are educated at least up to matriculation level. Many have taken technical courses in addition. This basic education has brought about certain change in their attitude towards life and their expectations from it. They keep watching serials and advertisements on TV. When they watch the heroines on TV, wearing silk dresses or Jeans and Tee shirts and going to work on their own vehicles, it makes a profound impact on these young girls and no wonder that they expect higher quality of life. Five or ten years back, one could always see girls riding pillion behinds their fathers or husbands. These days’ girls driving their own scooty ( a low hp 2 wheeler motorbike) are seen often.
Mr. Bindeshwar Pathak, founder director of an organization called ‘Sulabh International’, which specializes in building of low cost rural latrines, considers this ‘No Toilette?No Bride! Movement  as a bloodless coup.
There seems to be no doubt that this movement would certainly bring more self-respect and confidence back in the minds of rural womenfolk of India.

(some of the graphics are from worldbank.org site)